Girl: Today i was cooking chicken, when i added HARA DHANIYA, guess what happened?

Boy: Pata nahi, tum batao

Girl: Chicken start dancing and singing…

HUM PE YE KISNE HARA RANG DAALA… MAAR DAALA – ALLAAHH…!!

Munna Bhai ne pehle din office khola to bada khush tha.

Usko Circuit ne bataya ke bahar ek aadmi aaya hai…

Munna bada khush hua aur use andar aanay ke liye kaha. Us ke andar aanay say pehlay 

Munna nay socha ke us par impression dalna chahiye aur phone utha ke batien karnay laga.

“Haan Haan! 500 rupay fees hai, apun 10 baje tak betha hai idher, is say late nahi karnay ka, apun bahut busy hai”.

Us ke baad us nay phone rakha aur aanay walay say poocha “Beth na Maamoon, apun teray liye kya kar sakta hai?”

Man: Mien yahaan phone sahi karnay aaya hoon.

1 admi ki dusre shehar me naukri lagi.

Waha pahunch ke usne socha ki biwi ko SMS kar doon.
Galti se wo SMS kisi aur ke paas chala gaya,

Jis ke pas gaya wo aurat apne husband ko dafna ke aayi thi or SMS padthe hi behosh ho gayi.

SMS kuch yun tha:
Main yaha thik thak pahunch gaya hoon,
Yaha mobile ki suvidha bhi hai,
Tum udas mat hona,
2-3 din me tumhe bhi apne paas bula lunga..

15 August ko children bravery award ke liye kuch bachcho ko Delhi bulaya gaya.

Prime Minister Manmohan: Tumne aisa kya kiya bachcho jo tumhe yaha bulaya gaya?

Pehla Bachcha: Maine ek chor ko pakda.

Dusra Bachcha: Maine ek daku ko pakda.

Teesra Bachcha: Maine ‘Ravan’ aur ‘joker’ dekhi. Woh bhi do-do baar!

Exam question: How to Kill an Ant..? (10marks)

Student’s Answer:

Mix Chili Powder with Sugar & Keep it outside the Ant’s Home..
After eating Ant will search for Water..
Somewhere near Water Tank., Push Ant into it!
Now Ant will go to dry herself near fire,
When It reaches near Fire, Put a Bomb into Fire..
Then U Admit wounded Ant in ICU..
Remove Oxygen mask from Its Mouth & kill the Bloody Ant.

Humse panga!
10 marks k liye hum teacher ko maar de, cheenti kya hai.

Naukrani: Madam ji, aap ki di hui saree wapas le lo

Malkin: kyu, kya kharabi hai saree me ?

.

.

Naukrani: Jab se me aap ki di hui saree pehan kar kam pe aane lagi hoon, tab se sahab meri taraf dekhte bhi nahin hain!

Hamesha Maa Baap apni betiyo Ko Yehi Samjhate Hain
Ki Beta Ye Tumhara Asli Ghar Nahi, Tumhara Asli Ghar To Tumhara SasuraL Hai…..!!!

.

Leki­n….

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Baat Jab Ghar Ki Safai Ki Ho…
To It Magically Becomes Their House!

Mom says: Tum Ghar Mein Mehman Nahi Ho, Tumhara Ghar Hai Tumhe Hi Saaf Karna Hai,
Bahar Se Koi Nauker Nahi Aayega….!!

Chalo Utho JHAROO Lagaooo! 

Ek Kamina Bachha apni Toy Train se khel rha tha aur Bar-Bar bol raha tha,

Jis HARAMI ko chadna hai chad jao…

Jis KAMINE ne utarna hai utar jao…

.

Aise bolta dekh, Uske BAAP ne uski train rok ke, usko ek zor se thappad laga diya !!

.

Bachha thodi der rokar chup ho gaya aur fir shuru ho gaya,

Jis HARAMI ko chadna hai chad jao…

Jis KAMINE ne utrna hai utar jao…

Pehle hi kisi KUTTE ki wajah se Train 10 min late ho gayi hai..!!

Ladka Handsome hone chahiye,
Smart to Phone bhi hote hain.

Phone to iPhone hona chahiye,
S1, S2, S3 to Train ke Dibbe bhi hote hain.

Insaan ka dil Bada hona chahiye,
Chhota to Bheem bhi hai.

Aadmi ko Samjhdar hona chahiye,
Sensitive to Toothpaste bhi hota hai.

Teacher jyada Number dene wala hona chahiye,
Andaa to Murgi bhi deti hai.

Yuva Rashtrawadi Hone chahiye,
Cool to Navratna Oil bhi hai.

Rashtrapati Kalaam Hona Chahiye,
Mujherjee to Rani bhi hai.

Bathroom mein Hair Dryer Hona chahiye,
Towel to ShriSant ke paas bhi hai.

Ladki mein Akal Honi Chahiye
Surat to Gujrat mein bhi hai.

Mobile General mode par hona chahiye
Silent to Manmohan Singh bhi hain

Seb meetha hona chahiye
Lal to Advani bhi hain.

Ladka Dravid jaisa hone chahiye
Rahul to Gandhi bhi hai.

Ghoomna to Hill Station par chahiye
Goa to Pan masala bhi hai.

Dawai theek karne ke liye honi chahiye
Tablet to Samsung ka bhi hai

Reply dhang ka hona chahiye,
‘Hmmm’ to bhains bhi karti hai.

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?

Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha… Ayodhya

TT : Ticket hai?

Sadhu : Nahin

TT : Chalo

Sadhu : Kahan?

TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein.